I don't think this is as complex as it may seem. There are more styles and personalities of coaches than you can think of. What are seem common characteristics though:
- Cares about the players and treats them with respect
- Winning the game isn't everything, every time
- Inspires players to give their best
- Teaches the game and skills
- Teaches life lessons beyond the sport
- Has the respect of the players
- Does nothing for themselves if it conflicts with the needs of the team
- leads by example
There are probably others. I wrote about Auriemma from UConn and what he does with the women's team there. But you don't have to be wildly successful or popular to be a good coach. You also don't have to be friends or necessarily be liked to be a good coach.
Coaches have to tell players and parents things they don't want to hear sometimes. There are joys and sorrows of course.
It also doesn't mean that you have to be great to try doing it. If your heart is in the right place and you are willing to put a little time in, you can do at least an adequate job particularly at the youth level.
I think you need to have a plan and a direction as far as how you want to approach things. Be complimentary and quick to praise, but not afraid to correct or point out something that needs changing.
When you get into the high school level and beyond, there is a little more of a premium on results than when kids are younger. The pressure is there and you need to make sure you are putting in the time and leading the kids as you need to. usually coaches at these levels get paid and they should. People have no idea the time and sacrifice it takes to be a successful coach. If you aren't willing to do that, you probably shouldn't be a varsity coach at least. Building a successful program is not a job for the meek. I wish people could understand that too, particularly with football.
Lincoln's first year of football we had a head coach who probably wasn't the right fit for the job. You could criticize many things about how he operated (and fairly), but the point I want to make here is that he stepped up and volunteered. to my knowledge there weren't other people fighting for the position. For that reason, I am very hesitant to criticize him and I think everyone else needs to consider this before they start firing salvos at any coach. If you know you can do better, than volunteer and try to get a position. In many cases, you can have one.
I learned a lot that year. We didn't win a single game and only scored one touchdown all year against the weakest team. My son almost decided he didn't want to play any more, so it reinforced something with me--you need to balance learning and development with success in the games.
One of my older son's coaches many years ago was pretty up front about the fact that he coached so that his son could get maximum opportunity to play. I appreciated the honesty that he had and disagreed with that perspective but I at least understood it. Point here being that I wasn't willing to put my hat in and say that I would coach, so I really couldn't say a lot about it. There were other issues with that team though and so we left after the season was done. That's another point...sometimes you have to be smart and leave a situation that you know isn't going to be good.
But if I had wanted to be a coach and was told that I couldn't or was not accepted, now we have a little different situation. Now I have more of a right to respectfully sit down and discuss things I might see. But I have never had a situation where an adult who wanted to coach was not allowed to do so, honestly.
Most of the coaches we have had have been pretty good. I think the goal for youth coaches should be to get the kids to like the sport enough that they want to come back the next year. That kind of sums up things for that part of it.
Yes, the stakes are higher when you get to varsity level. yes, you need to have good coaches ideally at every level so kids continue to learn and love the sport they are in. Yes, some people are just not cut out to be coaches, especially when the kids get older.
But if you are a parent, please consider every angle. Yes, I have seen politics and garbage go on. Frankly, I wouldn't want any part of that if some kid was not played because the coach didn't like his parents or something juvenile like that. But have a perspective on your kid that is accurate. Many parents think their kids are incredible and that just statistically isn't likely true. Be slow to judgement and try to see both sides. If a discussion is warranted, be polite and calm. Yelling is going to shut a coach down instantly and things will not go your way.
Lastly, the saying is true that a good coach can make and average team good and a good team great. They can make a big difference in the success of a team and I like the idea of athletic director's taking their time and being careful with hiring.
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